SARP Center - 805.545.8888 - San Luis Obispo County

24 Hour Crisis and
Support Lines

8 0 5 . 5 4 5 . 8 8 8 8
1 . 8 0 0 . 6 5 6 . H O P E

Free . Confidential

Immediate Support

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Dos and Don'ts for Significant Others

Do listen.

Do say, "I'm glad you're alive."

Do say, "I'm sorry this happened."

Do say, "It's not your fault."

Do say, "You did the best you could to survive."

Do say, "I'm here for you."

Do ask the survivor's permission when you want to provide physical comfort.

Do provide information about options and resources.

Do realize that sexual assault affects survivors in many ways and that almost any reaction is possible and not unusual or abnormal.

Don't say what she or he should have done differently.

Don't say what you would have done differently.

Don't ask "Why didn't you run, scream, fight, leave?"

Don't ask for specifics about the assault (but do listen if she or he wants to reveal that information).

Don't ask blaming questions such as, "Why were you wearing that? Why were you there? Did you lead him/her on?"

Don't ask irrelevant questions such as, "Was he good looking?"

Don't take control away from survivors. Allow them to make their own decisions.

Don't forget that recovery from rape is an ongoing process that takes months, years, or a lifetime.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. You can't support anyone if you don't support yourself.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

— Margaret Mead

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