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Support for Lesbian and Bisexual Women


IT'S NOT ABOUT SEX!

Sex requires your consent. Rape and sexual assault are violent crimes and are motivated by anger, hatred, and aggression. Being forced to have unprotected sex or to engage in more sexual activity than you had wanted also constitutes rape or sexual assault. Both men and women can commit rape and sexual assault against women.

Same-sex sexual assault is not motivated by sexual attraction. It is predominantly an act of violence. Commonly, victims are chosen for their perceived vulnerability to attack rather than how sexually appealing the perpetrator found them. If someone is a victim of same-sex sexual assault it does not necessarily mean the perpetrator is part of the LGBTQ community or that the victim is part of the LGBTQ community.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Rape and sexual assault can happen to any woman, no matter what kind of person she is, what she looks like, or what her sexual orientation is. Sexual assaults are violent crimes used to exert power, to humiliate, and to control.

YOU HAVE SURVIVED!

Rape and sexual assault can be life-threatening situations. Whether or not a weapon was used, you probably were very scared. You may have cooperated in order to get out alive. This does not mean you consented. Sometimes you have to cooperate to save your life. Rape and sexual assault are never your fault!

IF THE ATTACKER IS A MAN

Some men think they can "change" a lesbian into a straight woman. There are also men who hate women. They use rape and sexual assault as a way to exert power and control, to cause women pain and humiliation. Rape and sexual assault can be hate crimes.

For some lesbians or women who are intimate with other women, their sexual orientation is linked to their political and social beliefs. This includes views of patriarchy and the role of male privilege. If the attacker is male, his attack will be experienced on several levels: a personal assault on your body, your identity, your political beliefs, and the choices you have made in how to live your life. Because this issue is so complex and so personally targeted, it is important that you speak with someone who understands this multi-layered assault on who you are.

Homophobia puts LGBTQ people at a greater risk for violence. Sexual violence is commonly used by perpetrators as a way to punish and humiliate someone for being LGBTQ. Sexual assault is often one of the forms of violence that occur during an incident of anti-LGBTQ hate violence.

According to a study released by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, in terms of hate motivated violence, 82% of the perpetrators are male. Females have less of a risk of victimizations than males. The study reports that 28% of the victims were female and that 58% of the victims were male. In the same study, 79% of victims identified as lesbian/gay and 11% identified as heterosexual, while 3% of victims identified as bisexual. (Please see the study Anti-lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Violence in 2004, a report of the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs for more information. www.cuav.org).

IF THE ATTACKER IS A WOMAN

Women can commit acts of sexual violence. Rape and sexual assault can happen with someone you just met or with an intimate partner. It is not talked about much, but it happens. It can be very hard to seek help when another woman is the attacker, especially when you have been involved with that woman in the past, or are currently in an intimate relationship. Feeling confused, isolated, or betrayed is common for survivors when the attacker is another woman. In addition, you may feel surprised and shocked that a woman could do these things. You may second guess your feelings or feel like you would be "turning on one of your own." You may feel as though you will lose the support of other women in the lesbian community.

Rape and sexual assault are violent crimes. Neither your sexual orientation nor the gender of your attacker changes that.  

 

SOME COMMON REACTIONS:

Rape and sexual assault are traumatic experiences. Following an attack, you may have physical pain, injuries, and strong emotional reactions. Below are some of the reactions you may experience.

  • Changes in your body, health, or appetite; overeating or not eating properly; feeling dirty
  • Depression or anxiety; feeling down, jittery, or on edge; snapping at others
  • Fear; avoiding crowds or leaving home; being frightened it will happen again
  • Anger; feeling violated (both personally and politically); having thoughts of revenge
  • Guilt, shame, or embarrassment; feeling like you deserved it; feeling like you can't tell anyone
  • Flashbacks or nightmares; including feeling like you should have done more to fight back
  • Denial; feeling unsure of what happened to you; feeling like you must be over-reacting
  • Changes in your sex life; losing interest in sex or having a lot of dangerous sex; difficulty having sex
  • Isolation and betrayal; feeling alone and separate from your partner, friends, family, and other women

Partners, family, and close friends who are aware of what happened to you may also experience some of these changes.

Barriers to seeking services:

There are many reasons a survivor of sexual assault or abuse may not seek services or leave an abusive situation. Sexual assault is often underreported and may be more so within the LGBT community. Some barriers to service include:

  • Fears of having to “come out” to service providers and law enforcement
  • Fears of facing prejudices and discriminations
  • Inability to remain anonymous due to the small LGBTQ community in SLO County and in many other areas.
  • Fear of being accused of betraying the LGBTQ community. A survivor may feel caught between the denial of the crime from the LGBTQ community and the prejudice from society.
  • Fear of not being believed, taken seriously, or having the experienced minimized due to the myth that rape cannot happen in same gender relationships. Rape and sexual violence due occur within same gender relationships.
  • Having to educate the service provider on LGBTQ issues.
  • Having the experience sensationalized
  • Being blamed for the assault
  • Mistakenly seen as the perpetrator.

 

What is homophobia?

  • The fear or hatred of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.
  • The fear of being perceived as lesbian, gay or bisexual.
  • The fear of one’s own sexual or physical attraction towards members of the same sex (which is referred to as internalized homophobia).

What is heterosexism?

  • The system of oppression of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual which general includes three components
  • The assumption that all people are heterosexual
  • Prejudice and discrimination against people who are LGBT based on the assumption that heterosexuality is the only “normal” sexual orientation and therefore preferable and superior.
  • Systemic display of homophobia is societal institutions, laws, and policies by excluding the needs, concerns and life experiences of people who are LGBT.
  • Examples of heterosexism
  • Assuming everyone has or is interested in having an opposite sex partner.
  • Assuming all children live in families with one male and one female parent
  • Using language that presumes heterosexuality such as husband or wife instead of gender neutral language such as partner.

 

How do I help as a friend or as a partner?

  • Believe your friend or partner about the sexual assault
  • Respect the need for confidentiality
  • Avoid judgmental comments
  • Seek help for your own feeling of anger or frustration
  • Ask how you can help rather than give unsolicited advise
  • Respect her or his decision even if it differs from what you want
  • Be a good listener
  • Offer unconditional love and support
  • Avoid pressure to resume any form of sexual intimacy until initiated by the survivor

 

The SARP Center services:

The Sexual Assault Recovery and Prevention Center supports all survivors of sexual assault with an effort to be sensitive to issues of gender and sexual orientation.

 

Support and Resources for LGBTQ Community:

National Gay and Lesbian Hotline (888) 843-4564
National Sexual Assault Hotline   1.800.656.HOPE (800) 656-4673
Victims of Crime National Center (800) 211-7996
NYC Anti-Violence Project  (212) 714-1141 Hotline

 

San Luis Obispo County Resources:

Sexual Assault Recovery and Prevention Center (805) 545-8888 Hotline
Victim Witness Assistance Center   (SLO County DA) (805) 781-5821
Gay and Lesbian Alliance   (GALA) (805) 541-4252
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) (805) 438-3889
Pride Alliance: LGBT Center at Cal Poly (805) 756-7733
Tranz-Central Coast   (Please call the GALA Center) (805) 541-4252

 

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"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

— Margaret Mead

 

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